


Under Love's Heavy Burden

by Ameera, NoOneKnowsIWriteThis



Series: Loyal Son of Tain [9]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: AU where Garak is the head of the Obsidian Order and Dukat is an exile, Angst, Confessions, Episode: s03e20 Improbable Cause, Episode: s03e21 The Die Is Cast, Interrogation, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-05
Updated: 2018-04-05
Packaged: 2019-04-18 20:05:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14220777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ameera/pseuds/Ameera, https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoOneKnowsIWriteThis/pseuds/NoOneKnowsIWriteThis
Summary: With both of their lives threatened, Garak and Julian find themselves drawing closer once again.-“Altovar was hired to attack you,” Garak stated. He waited for Julian’s confirming nod. “I suspect that attack was to lure me away from Cardassia while whoever is leading the plot within the Order makes their move.”





	Under Love's Heavy Burden

The dinner in Julian's quarters after Garak returned from Bajor was best described as wistful. Garak clearly longed for a return to their previous relationship, but also was too grateful for being allowed back into Julian's life at all to push. And Julian wished he could go back to his blissful ignorance and be with Garak without guilt. There were more than a few moments where they both gazed at each other regretfully, each wishing that things had worked out differently, but both of them let those moments slip by without acting upon them, worried that they would crush this fragile bond between them.

It was one of these delicate moments that was shattered by the chirp of Julian’s com badge.

“Ops to Bashir.” Kira’s voice rang out through the otherwise silent quarters.

Julian smiled sheepishly at Garak, who smiled understandingly in return. “Bashir here.”

“Doctor, report to the wardroom for an emergency meeting.”

“What’s the emergency?” Julian asked, standing.

Kira sighed. “Garak’s ship exploded and we think he was aboard when it happened.”

Garak’s shocked expression appeared genuine.

“Garak is fine, major. He’s with me,” Julian explained quickly. “Should I bring him to the meeting?”

“I think that would be best,” Kira replied, her tone suddenly a bit colder.

“We’re on our way. Bashir out.”

\--

The meeting began awkwardly. It was clear that Julian’s coworkers wanted to know why Garak had been in his quarters. Julian opened his mouth to provide an explanation when Garak beat him to it.

“I had a minor injury that I asked the good doctor to take care of,” he lied, smiling his charming diplomat smile. “I wanted to avoid the publicity of entering the infirmary.”

Julian glanced at Garak, hoping he managed to hide most of his surprise. Then he aimed a pointed eyeroll toward Jadzia, who had an eyebrow raised suggestively.

O’Brien muttered something under his breath that sounded like “Cardie spy.” But other than that, everyone seemed to more or less accept their explanation for the moment, and the conversation quickly shifted to the more urgent point: why would someone blow up Garak’s ship.

Garak tried to deflect the whole affair, saying that it was something the Cardassian government would investigate on its own time, but Sisko and Odo both refused to be put off from the matter. Garak was assigned guest quarters and a security detail. When everyone else was dismissed, Sisko requested that Julian remain.

“Doctor,” Sisko paused, clearly not wanting to have this conversation, “what exactly was Councilor Garak doing in your room?”

Julian blinked in surprise. Of all the things he’d expected to be questioned about, that hadn’t seemed even remotely important, but it was quite easy to answer honestly. “We were having dinner,” he replied.

Sisko frowned slightly. “Why would he lie about that?”

Julian shrugged. “I don’t think he wanted to admit to everyone that he was worried about me after my run in with Altovar, sir.”

“Are you saying that Garak is on this station to visit you, doctor?” Sisko gave Julian a long look. “What exactly is your relationship with him?”

“I wouldn’t really say there is one, sir,” Julian replied, realizing as the words escaped that they were both uselessly vague and potentially incredibly revealing. “That is to say, we’re friendly, but I don’t know that I’d call us friends. We only really talk when he’s on the station and even then it’s mostly about literature.” It was an accurate enough description of the current state of their relationship.

“A man who is possibly the head of Cardassia’s intelligence agency came to the station to check on someone that he hardly sees and barely knows?” Sisko asked, a skeptical eyebrow raised.

“I think he likes talking to someone who isn’t involved in Cardassian politics, and is therefore less of a threat,” Julian offered. That was sort of why they were having dinner to begin with. Garak had wanted to talk to someone who wasn’t Cardassian, who he knew wasn’t part of the plot within the Obsidian Order. He’d given Garak his word that he wouldn’t mention anything about internal Order politics to anyone and Julian was a man of his word.

Sisko said nothing, clearly considering what Julian had said. “Alright, doctor, you’re free to go. Just...be careful.”

“I will, sir,” Julian said with a nod then left.

\--

Odo insisted on escorting Garak to his temporary quarters, where two security officers were already waiting. Garak resigned himself to his fate and went to sleep.

The next morning, when Odo asked his questions, it was easy enough to offer the constable what little he knew and draw out more interesting information in exchange, namely information regarding Julian's attacker.

Altovar had revealed that he'd been hired not just to steal the biomimetic gel, but to also attack the doctor. That sent an unsettling shiver down Garak's spine.

As far as Garak had been able to determine, Julian had no personal enemies. Certainly no one who hated him enough to hire a Lethean to attack him. That was another worrying detail: Altovar had been hired to attack Julian, not to kill him. Although Altovar had made it very clear that whether Julian survived the attack or not was unimportant to his employer. That meant there had been some other purpose behind Julian being injured. Garak had a sneaking suspicion that said purpose was to lure him away from Cardassia, to get Garak away from whatever was going on within the Obsidian Order and kill him.

\--

When Julian received a message from Garak asking the doctor to come to his temporary quarters with no further explanation he soon found himself nodding to the security detail as he was allowed past.

“Ah, how good of you to come,” Garak greeted pleasantly as the door slid shut.

“What’s going on?” Julian looked around curiously. There was no obvious medical need that he could see.

“You remember what we discussed before?” Garak asked. “About the Order?” Julian nodded rather than speak. “I think whoever is behind that tried to have me killed.”

“We can take our suspicions to Odo,” Julian suggested. “He can see if any other Cardassians have been-”

“No, no, no,” Garak cut him off, shaking his head. “They won’t have sent a Cardassian. That would be far too obvious. Besides, Odo already has a suspect in custody.” Garak sighed and glanced away. “My d-Doctor, I must warn you. I’m afraid you’ve already been put in danger because of my...fondness for you.”

Julian had noticed that stammer. He felt his heart swell despite himself. Suppressing those feelings, he focused his questions on the more important matter. “What are you talking about?”

“Altovar was hired to attack you,” Garak stated. He waited for Julian’s confirming nod. “I suspect that attack was to lure me away from Cardassia while whoever is leading the plot within the Order makes their move.”

“Are you serious?” Julian asked incredulously.

“Deadly.” Garak’s expression matched his grave tone.

Julian stood in shocked silence for a bit, then softly asked “What do we do?”

“You should be extremely careful. You may still be in danger. I have a few sources to contact, and then I should head back to Cardassia as soon as possible. Everything should be over one way or another soon enough.” Garak smiled weakly at Julian then turned away. It took all of Julian’s willpower to not rush over and pull Garak back towards him. “You should go. I’ll let you know if there’s anything you can do.”

“Garak.” The name escaped Julian’s lips involuntarily. This felt so much like a final goodbye. There were so many things he wanted to say, so much love he wanted to express. Finally he settled on “Be careful.”

Garak turned back and smiled as Julian left.

\--

After Odo’s investigation uncovered Romulan involvement, Garak decided that he needed to get back to Cardassian space and conduct his own investigation as soon as possible. Sisko agreed to send an officer and a runabout to take Garak to meet a nearby Cardassian ship. When Garak entered the runabout, he wasn’t at all surprised to see that the pilot was one Julian Bashir.

They didn’t speak until they were away from the station, when Garak said “I thought I told you to be careful.”

Julian smiled. “And I told you the same.”

Garak let out a fond sigh. While it would mean keeping Julian away from the station and endangered for a bit longer, this did mean he might be able to make a detour and investigate something that had been bothering him.

“Julian, would you be willing to make a quick detour?” Garak asked.

Julian blinked, then a sly smile crept across his face. “That would depend on the detour in question.”

“There’s someone I need to check on.”

Julian gave him an exasperated look, clearly not content with that vague description.

Garak shook his head and smiled. “Enabran Tain, the former head of the Obsidian Order,” he elaborated. “I tried to contact him back on the station to get his insight into this affair, but…”

“But he didn’t answer,” Julian finished gravely.

Garak nodded.

There was silence once again as Julian weighed his options, before finally he said “Alright.”

With a grin that pulled a soft smile from Julian, Garak entered in their new course.

\--

They traveled in silence until an alarm sounded alerting them to a decloaking ship.

“It’s a Romulan warbird!” Julian exclaimed.

“In Cardassian space?” Garak asked blankly. How could this happen? How did I not anticipate…?

“I’m sending out a distress signal,” Julian explained, not looking up from the console. Suddenly the whole runabout shook. “Damn! They’ve got us in a tractor beam. They’re jamming our transmission!” Julian turned to Garak, eyes wide. He was obviously worried and hoping for any kind of advice or ideas.

Garak reluctantly shook his head as two Romulans materialized in the runabout and brought them aboard the warship. As they were marched through the warship’s corridors, Julian kept glancing nervously at Garak.

They were led to a room whose main feature was a large desk, behind which sat an old Cardassian.

“Tain,” Garak said softly.

Julian’s eyes went wide and he stared openly at Garak, clearly wondering what to expect.

“Ah, Garak. It’s good of you to come. It spares me the trouble of having to send someone else to kill you,” Tain said pleasantly as he strolled over to them. Julian glanced between the two Cardassians until Tain turned his focus to him. “And Doctor Bashir, you’re looking quite well for someone who was so recently attacked by a Lethean.”

“You hired Altovar to attack me,” Julian accused. He would have accused Tain of being behind the planned coup within the Obsidian Order, but a quick glance at Garak’s impassive face made him hesitate and reconsider his words. Instead, he settled on “You’re behind the fleet in the Orias System.”

Tain smiled in amusement. “Very good, Doctor. What else have you told him, Elim?” Tain’s gaze slid from Julian to Garak.

“Every senior officer on DS9 knows about the Orias fleet,” Julian stated. “It’s hardly a secret.”

Tain laughed, still focused on Garak. “Such misplaced loyalty. I think I’m starting to see why you’re so fond of him.”

“Surely you didn’t come out of retirement simply to exchange pleasantries with a Starfleet officer,” Garak prompted.

“True, I was actually on my way to the Gamma Quadrant when we captured you,” Tain replied lightly.

Julian’s eyes widened again. “You’re going to attack the Dominion, aren’t you?”

Tain turned back to Julian. “All it takes is a single decisive strike at the right moment to destroy an enemy completely. If we wipe out the Founders, the rest of the Dominion will crumble.”

“How do you know where…,” Julian started, then trailed off as an explanation occurred to him. “Starfleet shared intelligence on the Dominion with the Romulans.”

“And the Romulans have shared it with me,” Tain confirmed.

“You'll forgive me if I reduce the scope of this conversation to something a little more personal, but why was it necessary to kill me in order to embark on this excursion into the Gamma Quadrant?” Garak asked.

“Because I don't plan on going back into retirement when this is over,” Tain replied. “I plan on going back to my old job and my old life.”

Garak frowned. “I would have stepped down for you, if you’d asked.”

Julian couldn’t quite suppress the urge to gasp in shock, but he managed to keep it to just a sharp inhale. The idea that Garak would step down as head of the Obsidian Order, that he would give up that kind of power within the Cardassian government for this man was startling in its implications.

Who exactly is Tain to Garak? Julian wondered. Garak was already willing to go out of his way to make sure Tain was alright... Tain is the previous head of the Order, perhaps he trained Garak himself.

“Or you could have shut down my plans.” Tain sighed patiently. “No, I couldn’t take that chance.”

“I’m here because I was worried you’d been attacked as well!” Garak declared firmly. “I came here to save you!”

Tain considered this. “Alright, Elim. I’ll give you a choice. Your runabout is in launching bay three, you can take it and the doctor and go.”

“Or?” Garak prompted.

“Garak, it’s got to be a trick!” Julian exclaimed. It didn’t make any sense. Why would Garak trust the man who had tried to seize the Obsidian Order from him?

“It's not a trick, it's a choice. You can walk out that door, or join me. Step down as the head of the Order and follow me once again.”

“Garak, please, this man tried to have both of us killed!” Julian pleaded, but he could already see that he’d lost.

“Yes, he did,” Garak conceded, not even sparing a glance in Julian’s direction. “But none of that matters now.” Garak stepped forward and shook Tain’s hand. “Welcome back, Enabran.”

\--

Garak forced himself not to care when Julian was pulled from the room. Ideally the Human would be taken back to the runabout and sent on his way, but Garak knew better than to trust that the ideal outcome would be the one that happened.

Tain poured them each a glass of orange kanar and began to reminisce about the days before his retirement.

It was easy enough for Garak to fall back into his old role of Tain’s right hand. It was almost comforting to hand over the control and decisions to someone else, to return to being a single cog in a larger machine, a mere kotra piece rather than the player.

A Tal Shiar officer that Tain identified as Colonel Lovok entered with an update on matters, including what had happened to Julian.

“The Starfleet doctor is in quarters on C deck,” Lovok informed Tain.

“Good.” Tain smiled. “That brings us to your next assignment, Garak. I want you to explain to Doctor Bashir that it would be in everyone’s best interest, especially his, if he were to provide us with all the information he has on the Founders.”

“That may prove difficult. He can be quite stubborn,” Garak replied, hedging. He couldn’t help it. Even though they both knew that this assignment wasn’t really about gathering information from Julian, it was a way for Tain to test Garak’s loyalty to him.

“Then you’ll have to find a way of convincing him,” Tain dismissed.

\--

“Well, Doctor,” Garak began as he entered, taking stock of the room. It was simple, spartan, and on a chair in the center of the room sat Julian Bashir. “I trust the accommodations meet with your approval? You have to admit, it's certainly better than a prison cell.”

Julian glared at him. “Your Romulan friends handcuffed me to this chair and are guarding the door. It certainly feels like a prison cell to me,” he spat.

Garak pointedly turned his back to Julian while slowly examining the tray of torture implements that had been left on the bed, the only other piece of furniture in the entire room. “This will go much faster and be far more pleasant for the both of us if you just tell me what I need to know. I can give you some dramatic looking, but relatively painless injuries if you’re worried about seeming cowardly, but rest assured, you will tell me, one way or another.” Garak walked away from the bed and moved to Julian’s side. “You may not believe this, but I truly would prefer not to hurt you.”

He lightly caressed Julian’s cheek and was gifted with the sight of Julian’s eyes filling with wariness as well as a sense of surprise that he hadn’t seen since their first meeting. Then Julian took a shuddering breath and schooled his features into a frown and the lovely vision vanished.

Garak pulled his hand away and sighed. They were probably going to have to do this the hard way. A pity. “Tell me everything you know about the Founders.”

Julian glared at him. “I already shared everything I know with Starfleet. They would have shared it with the Romulans. There’s no point to this!”

“Really?” Garak asked lightly. “You’ve told Starfleet everything you know about the Founders? Everything you experienced in that simulation of theirs?” Julian’s adams apple bobbed visibly as he swallowed. “What did you tell them about my simulated death, I wonder..”

“There’s nothing I’m hiding from Starfleet!” Julian protested. There it was. His tell. A minor twitch, nothing anyone but an expert in reading people would have noticed.

“You’re lying,” Garak stated. “You never told Starfleet about our…” He deliberately paused as Julian held his breath. “Our arrangement.”

Julian pursed his lips together. “You’re right. I never told them,” he admitted grudgingly. “But that’s it, I swear! I’m not hiding anything else.” There it was again.

Garak shook his head slowly. “No, you’re still lying.”

“I told them everything we learned about the Founders, everything that happened in that simulation, even...even how you…” Julian paused, but it appeared to be from a genuine welling up of emotions, not an attempt to lie. “I told them how I watched you die.” Julian’s voice was filled with pain and heartbreak.

Garak looked at him for a moment, then concluded “You’re telling the truth.”

Julian nodded weakly. “I have no reason to lie. I’m not hiding anything.” And suddenly the twitch was back.

Garak stepped behind Julian, making Julian twist his head around to follow his movement, but Garak simply walked to Julian’s other side. Then he watched Julian’s shoulders stiffen as he placed a light hand on the Human’s head and ran his fingers through Julian’s soft hair. “And yet you’re lying again? How curious,” Garak murmured, gripping Julian’s hair and pulling his head back.

Julian’s eyes were wide with shock and fear as he begged “Please, Elim.”

Garak released his grip on Julian’s hair and laughed. Julian, the innocent idealist was attempting to manipulate Garak, a trained operative of the Obsidian Order, and he was going about it in the most obvious way. It was the kind of weak trick that no agent with any experience would fall for, and yet, Julian was attempting it.

“Oh, marvelous!” Garak exclaimed. “You heard Tain use my first name and now you're trying to manipulate me with it! Whatever this secret is, it's clearly very near and dear to you.” He stepped back to Julian’s front, smirking as he asked “What would push a bleeding heart Starfleet doctor to stoop so low?”

“I'm not trying to manipulate you,” Julian lied. “Maybe you want to believe that because you know you don't want to hurt me…?” It was a weak ploy, and yet Garak found Julian’s attempt at a ruse almost charming in its desperation.

“Bravo, doctor! I don't think I've ever seen you like this. You, who love and preach Federation dogma. You, who wear that wretched Starfleet Uniform with more pride than I knew your race was capable of. You, who detest what you perceive as villainy are now resorting to underhanded tricks. A secret more important to you than Starfleet? Intriguing.”

Julian’s expression shifted slightly and suddenly Garak’s entire understanding shifted with it.

“No,” Garak said slowly, the pieces falling into place. “It’s not more important to you than Starfleet. Starfleet is so important to you you'd rather die than reveal the secret. Something that would get you discharged? Arrested?” Garak’s mind was already coming up with theories for what Julian’s secret could actually be.

Julian looked at Garak with genuine terror in his eyes. Whatever this secret was, it was something truly important to Julian. “Elim, please. I’m begging you. It has nothing to do with the Founders, and it can’t be of any use to Cardassia,” he said frantically. There was no twitch, no sign of his tell. Julian’s voice dropped to a low murmur. “Please.”

Julian was telling the truth, of that Garak felt secure. So he knelt beside Julian so that he could whisper in his ear “I need something to tell Tain, so that he believes I broke you.”

Garak stepped back, watching Julian think. After several moments of silence, Julian swallowed nervously and spoke.

“I’m in love with you,” Julian said softly.

Garak knew better than to believe that was truly Julian’s deep dark secret, but at the very least it appeared to be true, and it was the kind of thing a young idealistic Starfleet doctor would keep from his superiors.

Garak didn’t say anything more, he simply nodded, left the room, and reported back to Tain.

Tain laughed.

\--

Hours had passed since the interrogation had finished, and in that time Garak had done his utmost to present as if he didn’t care about Julian or his well-being beyond strategic use. Tain likely saw through him, but it wasn’t as if the situation would improve by Garak being open about how much he adored the Starfleet doctor and how Julian’s confession had made his heart swell.

And yet Garak couldn’t repress a shiver when Tain nonchalantly announced “I see no further use for Doctor Bashir.”

The unspoken implication that since the doctor was no longer useful there was no longer a reason to keep him alive hung in the air.

Garak licked his lips nervously, but ultimately stepped forward. “Tain, we may not wish to provoke the Federation by killing him.” Tain turned to properly look at Garak, his gaze lingering thoughtfully. Garak took a breath, then continued. “Besides, the doctor has proven a useful source of information in the past, alerting me to events on the station that he thought I should know about. It would be wasteful to dispose of a Federation contact on Deep Space 9 while simultaneously rousing Starfleet’s wrath.”

Tain appeared to consider this, though whether or not he was actually considering it, Garak couldn’t hazard a guess.

“Do you truly think,” Tain finally began, deliberately slowly, “that after all of this, he will still be willing to work with you?” It wasn’t meant as a sincere question. It was meant to make Garak doubt Julian and question his own knowledge of the situation. It was working, and yet…

“Doctor Bashir is in love with me,” Garak stated evenly. “I think, if I play the situation correctly, I could convince him to keep giving me information.” Tain prompted him with a look to continue. “If I were to make it seem as if I were helping him escape when the Romulans were insisting on his execution, he would be eager to return the favor.”

“Just because the boy fancies himself in love that doesn’t mean he’ll do whatever you ask, Elim,” Tain warned.

“True,” Garak conceded, keeping his hands tight at his sides despite the urge to gesture. “But it would fit his naive, romantic sentiments. He gave me a play by an ancient Earth playwright that he was very eager for me to read. It was about a pair of lovers caught in the middle of a family feud. The play ends with them killing themselves in order to be together. I don’t think the doctor would go that far, but I can easily see him choosing to believe that I would risk myself to preserve his life and then feeling even more loyal to me in return.”

At that moment, Lovok, who had been silently watching this discussion, decided to speak. “I agree with Garak. It would be foolish to needlessly provoke the Federation.”

Garak looked at the Romulan in surprise. He hadn’t expected Lovok to express an opinion one way or the other, but Lovok’s support seemed to produce the desired effect: Tain appeared to be seriously rethinking his decision.

Tain nodded slowly. “Very well,” he announced at long last. “We’ll release him after we’ve destroyed the Founders.”

Then Lovok received a message from the bridge letting them know that the armada had reached the Omarion Nebula and would be in orbit around the planet in fifteen minutes.

Tain headed to the warbird’s bridge with Garak and Lovok following behind him.

\--

The warbird had been rocked several times, presumably by enemy fire, making Julian suspect that things had not gone according to Tain’s plan. He paced anxiously. While he’d been released from the chair after Garak had left, there was little he could do imprisoned in these quarters.

The door slid open to reveal Garak, holding a Romulan pistol. Julian couldn’t help the relieved smile that spread across his face, but he quickly pushed it away as he remembered what had happened the last time he and Garak had seen each other.

“Doctor, come,” Garak said urgently. “We have to make our way to the runabout.”

Julian didn’t need to be told twice. “What’s going on?” he asked as he followed Garak into the corridor, only for them both to freeze as they nearly walked into Colonel Lovok.

“Doctor Bashir,” Lovok handed something to Julian, “you will need this in order to gain access to your runabout.”

“Why are you helping us?” Julian asked Lovok, confused.

“I want you to pass a message on to Constable Odo when you return to the station,” Lovok stated. “Tell him that no Changeling has ever harmed another and there is still time for him to join us.”

“You are one of the Founders?” Garak asked.

Julian frowned. “This was probably their plan from the beginning. Lure the Tal Shiar and Obsidian Order here so they could wipe them out, crippling both the Romulans and Cardassia in one move.”

“Not exactly,” Lovok replied. “Tain originated the plan. We simply supported its execution. Will you pass our message on to Odo?”

Julian nodded. “You have my word.”

Lovok barely acknowledged Julian’s response before he transported away.

Garak grabbed Julian’s arm and began to lead him through the corridor, but he released Julian when he got to the point where their paths would split.

“The runabout is that way. Two decks down. Section twenty five. Wait for me there,” Garak instructed, trying to ignore the worry in Julian’s eyes.

“Where are you going?”

“To the bridge, to get Tain.” Garak could see the question in Julian’s eyes before it was even voiced. “I know it's difficult for you to understand, my dear, but I still owe him a personal debt and I have to try to repay it. Wait for us as long as you can.”

Julian stood stunned for only a moment before he cursed softly and chased after Garak.

By the time Julian got to the bridge, it was clear that Garak wasn’t going to leave without Tain and Tain had no plans to leave. Julian didn’t think, he acted. With one strike he knocked Garak unconscious, then he caught and slung the Cardassian over his shoulders. With a begrudging silent thanks to his physical enhancements that he would never admit to, Julian carried Garak to the runabout, set him in a chair, and turned his focus to piloting the runabout.

\--

Garak awoke in the runabout with his head feeling sore. He tentatively touched his temple and winced when that light contact irritated the bruise there.

“You can be very persuasive on occasion, Doctor,” he teased. “But in the future I hope you’ll consider using gentler language.”

Julian laughed, but didn’t turn away from the controls. “I’ll consider it. We’ve got a Jem’Hadar ship on our tail. Could you take over the weapons?”

An explosion shook the runabout as Garak shifted his focus to the panel in front of him.

“Aft shields down to fifty percent. More speed would be advisable,” Garak suggested.

Julian shook his head. “The warp drive is offline.”

There was another explosion. The shields kept falling and the main power began to fail. There was little they could do.

“The shields are gone,” Garak announced. This was it. There was no way they could escape. They were going to die. “Julian…” Julian pulled his attention partially away from the controls to glance at Garak. “I hope you will accept my sincere apologies for all this. I never meant to put you in danger.”

Julian offered a smile. “You didn’t know what would happen, and you did try to protect me.”

“Nevertheless,” Garak sighed. “I should have done a better job keeping you safe.” He hesitated for a moment. His next sentence would reveal a huge vulnerability, but they were likely about to die regardless so he might as well grant himself one small indulgence. “I love you, Julian.”

Finally Julian abandoned the controls to look at Garak in shock. “You have terrible timing,” he scolded lightly.

Garak smiled. “I thought we deserved one last moment of happiness before we died.”

Any response Julian would have made was lost when the Defiant decloaked and beamed them aboard. Chief O’Brien and Julian greeted each other briefly before Julian insisted on taking Garak to sickbay to take care of his injury.

The instant Garak's bruise was healed, Julian asked “Did you mean it?”

“Hm?” Garak replied. He should have known better than to hope that Julian wouldn’t bring this up.

“What you said in the runabout,” Julian clarified, the beginnings of a frown tugging at his lips. “Did you mean it?”

“This has all been a very trying experience-” Garak tried to deflect, but Julian wouldn’t hear it.

“Answer the question, Garak,” he said sharply.

Garak glanced away. “Considering I thought we were going to die, I had no reason to tell you anything but the truth in that moment.”

And suddenly Julian was kissing him. It was desperate and passionate, and took Garak so off-guard that he didn’t react before Julian pulled away, his expression conflicted.

“I shouldn’t do this,” Julian murmured, shaking his head. And yet, almost immediately Garak found himself once again being kissed. This time he eagerly kissed Julian back.

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from Act 1, Scene 4 of Romeo and Juliet. Again Romeo is complaining about how miserable his love for Rosaline has made him.
> 
> You may have noticed that these are taking longer and longer to come out. That's because I've been running out of motivation to work on this AU rather than my other stories. I don't know if I'm going to continue this story after this, but if I do it won't be for months. I wanted to let you all know so that I didn't leave you hanging.


End file.
